


Caught

by loftyperch



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom, The Incredible Hulk - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance, Sexual Tension, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-23
Updated: 2014-03-27
Packaged: 2018-01-13 13:08:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1227565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loftyperch/pseuds/loftyperch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruce just can't have nice things.</p><p>(In which Bruce is resigned to his loneliness, Tony wants a sperm sample, and Steve thinks he knows how to get Hulk to chill out.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Night gathers and now my watch begins.  
> I own none of the characters depicted herein.  
> I will not profit from their use.  
> For this night and all the nights to come.

Being the Other Guy was a waking nightmare, watching myself do things I'd never do, squeezing henchmen till they burst, destroying people's homes and businesses, injuring as many of my friends as my enemies.

But every now and then Hulk did something I could be proud of, like when he caught Captain America mid-fifty-story-freefall ...

Present, but not in control, I could tell Hulk genuinely liked Steve almost as much as I did. Once the crash landing was over, he was practically tender with the young soldier, holding him as he shook from the near death experience.

Steve was a good kid, smiling hugely when he finally caught his breath, utterly unafraid of the incalculable strength supporting him. He treated Hulk like anything but a monster - one of the many things we liked about him.

But then he threw his arms around a meaty green neck and pressed a grateful kiss into Hulk's cheek ... and the Other Guy retreated instantly as if running from something he didn't understand, abandoning me naked and shocked in Steve's lap.

Thankfully, Steve seemed only mildly amused by the situation.

"Oh, is _that_ all it takes?"

I sputtered. Strangely none of my advanced degrees had ever prepared me for such a predicament.

He reached up to brush my hair from my forehead.

"You should be safe here, Doc. I'll try to find you something to wear."

And with that he dexterously disentangled himself and dashed back into the battle.

\-------------

The next day I was in the lab with Tony, minding my own business when he slid a plastic cup across the lab bench, his smirk downright unsettling.

"All right, big guy, I just need one more little sample from you."

"I peed in a cup for you yesterday," I complained, setting my notes aside. "You took saliva, sweat, tears, blood ... what other body fluids could you possibly ..."

Tony's eyebrow shot upward, his lips twisting laciviously.

"... You're kidding."

"Do you need some privacy?"

"I don't think it's such a good idea ..." In fact I thought it was one of the worst ideas I'd ever heard. "I shouldn't get too ... _excited_."

"Are you telling me you haven't ... since ...?"

I shook my head, not sure if I was supposed to be proud of my discipline or embarrassed by it. 

"Not even by yourself?" Tony, too, appeared conflicted, eyes flickering with concern, incomprehension and his natural curiosity.

I shook my head again, deciding to go with embarrassed. Tony would never know how much I envied his freedom to have such simple pleasures.

"But it's so relaxing!" He sputtered and flailed, struggling to wrap his head around a life without even the loneliest release. "I ... but ... endorphins ..."

"It's okay. Really it is." I said it more for myself than for Tony.

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"A cure would be nice," I scoffed, only half in jest.

"Don't say that. I know it's hard for you ... but I like you just the way you are. And if you really want to keep working toward a cure, then that sample might be very useful."

He squeezed my shoulder as he left.

I would have given anything for him to have stayed.

\-------------

After a few hours, the laboratory doors swished open behind me.

"I'm not giving you a sperm sample," I insisted pre-emptively, as lightheartedly as I could manage, hoping to get at least a laugh.

But there was no laughter, no witty comeback, nothing.

I turned in my seat to find Steve frozen mid-stride, eyes huge and mouth agape. 

I'd never been so mortified.

"Sorry, I thought you were Tony," I mumbled, snapping back to my notes, trying to hide my burning face. "Long story."

Steve cleared his throat.

"I ... uh ..." He coughed again. "I was hoping to discuss what happened last night."

 _Oy vey._ I tried to collect my thoughts, to center myself and relax.

"What's to discuss?"

"Whether you think it's repeatable." Already recovered from his shock, he joined me at the bench, his arm brushing mine as he sat.

"I doubt it. You probably just startled him. He didn't know how to react so he handed me the reins. He might not be so surprised if you try it again. And please don't encourage anyone else to try it, either." I eyed Steve over the rim of my glasses. There was no trace of humor or discomfort in his expression. He was so honest, so sweet ... so fragile. "It could be dangerous."

"How so?"

_Do you really have to ask?_

"What if he starts to think you like him?"

"I _do_ like him."

"No I mean _like_ him ..." My dire tone didn't faze the captain at all. "What if he tries to _have his way with you_?" Steve was a tough customer, but the Other Guy was exponentially tougher, like rape-you-to-death-whether-he-means-to-or-not tougher. If that ever happened to _anyone_ I didn't think I could live with myself, but for it to happen to _Steve_ was beyond my ability to imagine. And I'd have to watch it all unfold, powerless to stop it.

"Bruce ..."

He rarely used my given name, so I knew he was being serious despite his gentle smile.

"... You've had to sacrifice so much for so long to try to keep your friends safe. I hope you know that I'm willing to sacrifice a lot for you, too. If there's any way for me to make your life easier, I'll do it gladly."

"But -"

"I trust the Hulk with my life all the time, and he hasn't torn me to pieces yet."

The stunningly naive sentiment didn't comfort me.

Steve stood to go, a hand finding the small of my back, making me shiver.

"You should trust him, too."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce broods. Tony makes a proposition. Steve comforts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Text from Moby Dick.

Steve and Tony had an _interesting_ relationship ... They bickered like an old married couple, fought like tigers side by side, finished each other's sentences, intuited each other's tactics, held entire conversations with only their eyes. Tony flirted relentlessly, and while Steve didn't always know how to respond, he certainly seemed to like the attention.

They hadn't gotten off on the right foot - Tony wary of anyone who'd thought his father was a great guy, Steve abstractly disappointed that Tony wasn't Howard - but they worked past it over the course of a few months, soon becoming the glue that held the Avengers together.

I sometimes wondered how much longer it would take them to acknowledge and act on their obvious mutual attraction, how much longer it would be before I wandered into the lab and caught them making out.

Was I jealous? Of course. I was green with envy ... and I had no idea which man I envied more.

If I could have, I would have invited Tony into my bed the day we met. He was the sexiest man I'd ever seen, and it wasn't just that handsome face: it was the rapid fire physics jargon, the pointy things, they way he looked at me when he had something important to say. I fell hard and fast, and there was no one there to catch me.

It took me longer to feel the same way about Steve, and it had _nothing_ to do with his looks (I swear), as striking as Tony's and yet so different. I fell in love with his broken heart, wishing I could comfort him whenever his grieving reached his eyes, wanting to make him smile, to keep him safe. I probably wouldn't have pursued him very aggressively though, even if I'd been able, would've waited for him to make the first move; innocence like his was worth preserving.

And best, or perhaps worst, of all, they both had faith in me ... and in Hulk.

The next morning, as I sat across the island from them, picking at my toast and pretending to read the paper, I decided once and for all that my inability to be with them was best for all parties concerned. It meant I didn't have to choose between them. It meant they could have each other.

They were adorable, sharing Tony's earbuds, engrossed in Morning Edition, eating off each other's plates.

Who was I to come between them?

\--------------

After breakfast, Tony followed me down to the lab and cornered me before I could sit.

"Let's not work today. Let's do something fun."

"Like what?"

Tony went quiet for a minute, fidgeting, oddly nervous for such a simple request.

"I hope you don't mind, but I ... did a little digging into your college years."

"I don't understand -"

He took me by the shoulders and held my gaze.

He was starting to scare me.

"Bruce, why didn't you ever say anything? How long have we known each other? Two years? It's nothing to be embarrassed about."

_Jesus Christ._ Had he somehow found out about that summer fling with Chad? (Or was it Brad? I didn't even remember anymore.) How could he possibly have known about that? How deep did he dig?

I was afraid my heart would speed up, but thankfully all it did was stop.

"Let's do it." He moved in closer. "I wouldn't suggest it if I didn't think it would be good for both of us."

He couldn't be serious ... 

"Let's pack a bowl and play some D&D."

I was so relieved, I actually said yes.

\----------

Six hours, half a bag, and two party wipes later we dragged ourselves out of the lab and somehow managed to reach the living room couch.

We stared for a while at the blank tv, feet up on the coffee table, not speaking, not really thinking.

At almost the same moment we realized Steve was curled up in the armchair, eyeing us with amusement over his book.

"Oh hey," Tony said with a dopey grin. "When'd'you get here?"

"You guys are stoned."

"You should join us sometime." Even high as a kite, Tony was quick with a comeback.

"Yeah, we could use a paladin," I added, making Tony snicker.

Steve just smiled and went back to his book.

Long minutes passed in silence, and I started to doze off.

I felt movement on the couch and opened my eyes to find Tony casually straddling me, groping between my legs. I tried to push him away, but Steve had come around behind me, gripping my wrists and twisting down to kiss my cries of protest away.

_We can't,_ I wailed internally, heart pounding, cock rising against Tony's insistent hand.

With a gasp I jerked awake, startling Steve over in the armchair, nearly dislodging the drooling Tony from my shoulder.

"You okay?" It took Steve only a step or two to cross the carpet and go to one knee at my feet. If he noticed my hard on (how could he not?) he didn't let on, nothing but concern in his eyes.

I nodded. _Deep breaths_.

"Bad dream?"

"Very bad." _Deeeeeep breaths_.

"Anything I can do?"

"Read aloud to me?"

"Sure."

God, could his smile _be_ any sweeter?

Quietly, so as not to wake Tony, he snagged his book and sat down beside me, close enough for me to lean some weight against him. 

"Meanwhile," he began, voice a low, warm drone, "Stubb, the third mate, betrayed no such far-gazing solicitudes. The whales might have made one of the their regular soundings, not a temporary dive from mere fright; and if that were the case, Stubb, as his wont in such cases, it seems, was resolved to solace the languishing interval with his pipe. He withdrew it from his hatband, where he always wore it aslant like a feather ..."

This time I didn't dream.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bruce has to get away.

Against my explicit wishes, Steve used his little trick again after the next battle, and again it worked, only encouraging him to continue to disobey me. I had to admit to a little objective interest in the experiment, though; this time Hulk saw it coming a mile away, and it worked anyway. It was fascinating if nothing else.

Hulk was a fast learner and obediently followed Steve's beckoning down an alley, just out of sight of the rest of the team, anger all but forgotten already. He crouched over Steve and lowered his head, almost shyly, to snuffle soft blond hair.

And then he was gone in the peck of a cheek.

"Steve," I groaned, shivering on the pavement. "Please don't do that."

"Sorry, Doc."

I could tell by his self-conscious grin that he wasn't really sorry.

"Okay, so it works. What if you're inadvertently training him to change back at the very sight of you? He could desert you when you need him the most."

"So you admit that we _do_ need him."

I clamped down on my anger. Steve's heart was in the right place.

"Of course he's useful. He's also a huge, green liability. And what if you're training him to _not_ change back _unless_ you're around to kiss him?"

"Just trust me."

With a brief embrace he was off to find me a blanket.

\------------------------

Still a little flustered, I holed up in the lab, the part of the tower I felt safest in, and tried to get a little work done. 

All I ended up doing was checking my email (empty as usual).

Tony joined me soon enough, scotch on his breath and a twinkle in his eye.

"What's Steve up to?" he asked.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Well I do." Tony spun my chair around, crowding down with a hand on either armrest, trapping me. "He's somehow managed to cut our Getting Hulk to Chill the Fuck Out Time in half, and I want to know how."

I tried not to lean up and simply _show_ him Steve's unconventional tactic.

"I don't want to talk about it," I repeated instead, lowering my gaze to the sliver of bright blue peeking out from Tony's half-unbuttoned shirt. 

"Okay." He rose and left with a shrug so nonchalant it could only mean he was on his way to find Steve.

I gave him a brief head start, consulted JARVIS as to his whereabouts (he had indeed gone straight to Steve), and followed him.

They were in the kitchen, and if I pressed my ear to the door just so I could pick up bits of their conversation. I didn't like eavesdropping, but I felt compelled - not just to hear what they had to say about me, but how they said it, tinged with the strange soft tones they only used with each other.

"So what's your secret, Hulkslayer?" Tony was asking.

"If I told you then it wouldn't be a secret," Steve replied, not without amusement.

"Well, whatever it is, I don't think Bruce likes it."

"He's afraid Hulk will hurt me."

"Aren't you?"

"Not at all. And it's not entirely Dr. Banner's decision to make. Hulk should have a say in it, too, and he's all for it."

I went to my knees beside the door, wishing I could see what they were doing in there.

"You say that like they're different people, but they're not."

"I agree, they're both Dr. Banner ... but he's clearly of two minds on the issue. Why does one opinion count and not the other?"

"Well what about my opinion? I'm ostensibly the leader here, shouldn't I have a say?"

"Just trust me, Tony."

They went silent, perhaps arguing eloquently with their eyes ... perhaps easing into each other's arms and kissing all their worries away.

I didn't stay to hear any more.

\--------------------------

An hour later I was at the bus station with a duffel bag and a ticket to Puente Antigua.

My bus was still a few minutes away when Tony arrived and took the seat beside me without greeting. He looked even more fantastic than usual, having thrown on a pale gray three-piece and shades. Had he dressed up just to see me off? Did he have somewhere else to go?

"I won't be gone long," I sighed when it became clear he wouldn't be the first to speak.

"It's not a question of duration, Bruce. I don't want you to go, period." He leaned back and crossed one leg over the other.

"I just ... don't want to be around anyone right now."

"Is it Steve?"

"It's not _just_ Steve."

"You said you want a cure." He finally turned to look at me through darkened lenses. "Well, whatever Steve's up to may not be a cure, but a band-aid's better than nothing, right?"

"It's not safe."

"We're superheroes, Bruce. Nothing we do is safe. Besides, you let me and Steve worry about what's best for Steve. You need to worry about what's best for you."

"It would be best for me if he stopped." I sighed. I could say I was only afraid for Steve till I was blue in the face, but I had selfish reasons, too. I had resigned myself to indefinite celibacy, and all temptations were torture. I was just worried that my selfishness would cost the city millions (if not billions) in damages.

"Then he will. I'll make sure of it. Whatever you need to feel comfortable."

I couldn't tell Tony what it was that I really needed to feel comfortable - for him and Steve to knock it off with the good looks and the beautiful souls - so I figured I had to settle for what he was offering.

Well, I could ask for a _little_ more.

"You're not gonna keep trying to get that sample, are you?"

"Cross my heart. Any future samples you provide will be strictly voluntary."

I left my ticket on the seat.


End file.
